Module 4: What to do with Your Anger

Anger is a very normal and common reaction after a disaster. Your body and mind are responding to trauma, which can leave you feeling on edge, powerless, irritable, and stuck in survival mode. When safety, control, and stability are taken away, anger often shows up as a way your system tries to protect you.

Real losses also fuel this anger, financial strain, disrupted routines, constant uncertainty, and the frustration of feeling misunderstood by others. Having a short fuse during this time doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It means you’re dealing with more than most people can see. The goal isn’t to get rid of the anger, but to notice it, respect what it’s telling you, and find ways to manage it in healthier, safer ways. 

You should be Angry. You have just had so much taken away from you and it wasn’t your choice. Please don’t judge yourself. Below are some tips to help you slow down and regulate.

Name the Anger

Anger isn’t a bad emotion; it’s often your protector. When anger shows up, try pausing for a moment and getting curious about what it’s protecting you from. You might be feeling out of control, scared, hurt, or deeply sad underneath it.

Once you notice what’s really there, let yourself feel that too. There’s nothing wrong with it. Throughout this journey, you’re going to experience a lot of different emotions—and that’s okay. Feeling them doesn’t mean you’re failing; it means you’re human and responding to something tough.

Safe Ways to Release Anger

Anger needs movement to move through you—both emotionally and physically. After a disaster, anger often builds up because your body is under constant stress from displacement, insurance calls, housing searches, and nonstop decisions. This isn’t a personal failing; it’s a trauma response.

Safe ways to release anger can include screaming into a pillow, moving your body through exercise, writing freely in a journal, punching a pillow, or venting to someone who can listen without trying to fix or minimize how you feel. Before making calls or decisions when anger is high, pause. Give your body a moment to settle first. Slowing down in these moments can help prevent burnout and protect you as you move through recovery.

Anger Comes in Waves. That’s Normal

After a disaster, anger can rise quickly and feel intense, then soften just as suddenly. This doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means your nervous system is responding to prolonged stress and loss of control. Knowing that these waves will pass can make them feel less frightening. Because anger is often fueled by feeling powerless, restoring even small areas of choice can help—like deciding when to talk, what task to tackle next, or what feels manageable today. Small moments of control can go a long way in calming the nervous system and supporting healing.

Getting Support

If the anger starts to feel constant, overwhelming, or is putting strain on your relationships, getting extra support can really help. Therapy can offer practical tools to manage big emotions and find some relief, and reaching out is a sign of strength, not failure.

If you’re the one supporting someone else through this, your well-being matters too. Being there for someone in crisis is heavy work. It’s okay to set boundaries, take breaks, and protect your own energy. You can be caring and supportive without taking on someone else’s anger.